Hi. My name is Melissa, and I talk about my feelings. No surprise there, right? Anyone who’s been on my Instagram feed has heard how I feel and what I feel and why I feel about more topics than I can count. But for the past several months, that’s been a challenge for me. I’ve been going through something deeply personal that I didn’t have the words (or the courage) to say out loud. So I kept it in, hidden, while trying to talk about things as I always have, without really talking about what I needed to talk about most.
I had separated from my husband. And I, the person notorious for publicly writing her way through her feelings, didn’t know how to do that, for this. I couldn’t get past the word separated. It felt shameful. I felt like a failure. I was embarrassed. So many people had held our relationship up on a pedestal (including myself), and when it came toppling down I didn’t know how to pick up the pieces. They were too broken to share.
Late last year, when I felt the weight of silence suffocating me, I submitted an article to Holl & Lane magazine on my decision to put myself first in this situation. I was thrilled, and terrified, when they accepted it for publication, and I held my breath as it landed in mailboxes all over the country this past January.
And when I breathed out, I felt free.