To my son,
They say that motherhood changes you, but in truth it’s impossible to fully grasp that concept until you’ve lived through it. Looking back, I barely understand the person who existed before you. While so many parts of me are still the same (or in the very least have resurfaced), everything is deeper in a way that I never could have imagined.
Things are simultaneously darker, but brighter. Heavier, but lighter. Challenging, but so full of joy. You have made almost every moment of life harder, but in the same exact moment, better. You’ve made each moment worth every ounce of hardness. It’s easier than ever to understand my purpose & what I’ve been put on this Earth to do – not only as a mother, but as a wife, and a woman, and as a human being. You have redefined my limits, simply by being you.
We’re almost two years into this motherhood thing, and in truth I don’t know who either of us will be two years from now. I’m slowly learning to give up the need to be able to control it, and the desire to know where we’ll land before we jump, as where we are today is more beautiful and fulfilling than I ever would have imagined on the day you arrived.
Motherhood is often described as having your heart exist outside of your body, and I can’t think of a better understand of what it is to be a momma. I feel everything though you. I see everything through you. Every decision I make is run through the filter of you.
I haven’t been the perfect momma, and in all honesty there’s a lot from our early days that I regret. But even in those early moments, when you were forcing me to grow and change right along with you, I would do them over and over and over again a thousand fold if it means landing right here, with you, as exactly the little boy you are.
I will love you forever and always. Every day. Every moment. Through every heart beat, every tear, and every breath. You are my sweet boy. Thank you for making me a momma, and for choosing me to be yours.
Love forever and always,