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We Are Motherhood: I am the face of postpartum depression

The Beauty is in the Blooming

How I Show Up For Myself

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My Article in Holl & Lane Magazine

Now is the Time to Write What Matters.

Letters are a part of our personal history, and it was time for that part of my history to include action. Continue reading Now is the Time to Write What Matters.

MelissaJuly 18, 2016July 18, 2019Leave a comment

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My four year old brought his @polaroid camera along on our vacation this week. Every morning, as we’d embark on that day’s adventure, I’d dutifully pack it in my bag, certain he’d want to take a picture of wherever we were heading. . And yet every time I asked him if he wanted to take a picture with his camera, he’d answer with a simple “no thanks, mom,” and go back to the task at hand. . Still, somehow, the film got used up. As I look through his tiny stack of pictures, it was beautiful to see no photos of our adventures. He was too interested in what we were doing and truly living in the moment to even considered being bothered by taking a photo. . The things he did photograph? The people he was with. All of his stuffed babies who made the journey. His bunk bed, where he proudly slept each night. He even “self directed” a few portraits of himself. He enjoyed the moments in the present, but captured the people and places that made this vacation special. . His viewpoint is incredible, and I love seeing tiny moments of our time together through his eyes. Goodness, children can teach us so, so much. ❤️ . . . #CapeCod #Polaroid #ShakeItLikeAPolaroidPicture #BabyLove #BoyMom #BeachLife #ChildhoodUnplugged

Today Ryan got himself undressed and then into his pajamas all by himself. It was his first time successfully maneuvering the trickiness that is a tee shirt. He was so proud. I was so proud. . I asked him where my baby was. . “I don’t know mom. Maybe he growed up.” . He then picked up an old camera and went back to playing. It wasn’t lost on me they his “toy” of choice was not a toy at all, but something for grown ups. . ... and then he looked at me and said “it’s me mommy. I’m your baby.” . My sweet baby. He is all growed up. . . . #Motherhood #MomLife #BoyMom #BabyLove #AlwaysBeMyBaby #MomOfOne

Friday night done right. 🍕 📺 ✌️ . I talked to a dear friend a few weeks ago about having a “social budget”. As an introvert, I’ve come to understand (and to respect) that I only have so much social time in me to dole out, before I need to hunker down and recharge my batteries. I have to allocate it wisely. I have to plan for it. I can’t go spending it all willy nilly, or my extrovert account may be pushing empty when I need it most. . I’ve also learned (am in the middle of learning?) that hunkering down to recharge my batteries does not mean working late nights from bed in my pajamas. That may be hunkering down, but it isn’t recharging. . After two wonderful nights out with girlfriends this week, a night in was just what I needed. And the work I was expecting to do was gloriously put on hold, giving me extra permission to just be. . I love the people in my life dearly. But sometimes Netflix, sweats, and two leftover pieces of gourmet pizza are truly a girl’s best friend. . . . #FridayNightDoneRight #NightIn #FridayNight

Today’s mood: Gloomy with a chance of blue skies. Or maybe blue skies with a chance of gloom. Sometimes these days it’s hard to tell which mood is going which way. . These last few months I’ve been working really hard on my mindset. That work has looked like daily quick journaling (thank you @workspacery! 😘), questioning my sometimes comes-too-easily negativity and cattiness, and working hard on boundaries in order to really protect my mood. . But I think most importantly, I’ve been questioning that gloom, that cloudiness. My go-to is to accept it, to dive into it, to let it color my perspective. I sit in it, think it about, wallow in it. . And while in a lot of ways I think a lot of that is helpful, in a lot of ways it also wasn’t. Isn’t. I need to learn the difference between acknowledging and accepting, and becoming that emotion entirely. . Lord knows I love me some moody clouds. But you know what? The blue skies are pretty great, too.

When R was an infant, I went through a phase where I literally could not imagine him ever growing to be a child. I was in the throes of a deep postpartum depression, and I had convinced myself that I was having some sort of prophecy- I couldn’t see it, because he wasn’t going to make it to childhood. I could see the future, and it was devastatingly bleak. . Clearly, and thankfully (there isn’t a strong enough word for this amount of thanks), I was wrong. He went from an infant, to a toddler, and now, on the eve of his fourth birthday, a full blow kid. He has opinions and emotions and boundaries. He makes jokes and he tells stories and he feels feelings. Big feelings. He rides scooters and builds train tracks and plays video games and draws (somewhat) recognizable pictures. . Those moments where I could not see his future were dark. I struggled so intensely with the unknown that my brain literally imagined the end of what it couldn’t find the answers for. But now? There is lightness and airiness and hope and joy. And peace. And contentment. And rest. And he gives that all to me. . Tomorrow I’ll celebrate my sweet boy’s fourth birthday. I’ll celebrate the day I became a mother. I’ll celebrate being a mother, and everything that comes with it. Because I can imagine our future - and it is oh so beautiful. ❤️ . . . #Motherhood #ThisIsFour #Mothering #MotherhoodReleased #BoyMom #BabyLove #BoyMomLife #MommasBoy

I spent most of this weekend staring out at this view ... and into the faces of seven of my beautiful, strong girlfriends. . We are all a bit like this water. So incredibly beautiful to be in the presence of, and with so much more happening below the surface than we let on. . There are beautiful ripples, and jagged rocks. Things that shimmer, and things that we’re afraid of that we lurk down deep that we can’t quite see. . I love these women deeply. As my dear friend Peggy said, this weekend was “for seeing and for being seen.” The love my ripples. They smooth my rocks. They shine a light on the things I’m afraid of, helping me to see that I can overcome each of them. . And they support my wearing of an @annajoycedesign robe in public as a kimono. That may be their best support of all. . . . #GirlsWeekend #FindYourTribe #LoveThemHard #FriendsAreFamily #RhodeIsland #CottonCandySunset #FriendshipGoals #TogetherByChance #TribeByChoice #BeSeen

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