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My Article in Holl & Lane Magazine

I was thrilled, and terrified, when they accepted it for publication, and I held my breath as it landed in mailboxes all over the country this past January. And when I breathed out, I felt free. Continue reading My Article in Holl & Lane Magazine

MelissaJuly 7, 2019July 7, 2019Leave a comment

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Friday night done right. 🍕 📺 ✌️ . I talked to a dear friend a few weeks ago about having a “social budget”. As an introvert, I’ve come to understand (and to respect) that I only have so much social time in me to dole out, before I need to hunker down and recharge my batteries. I have to allocate it wisely. I have to plan for it. I can’t go spending it all willy nilly, or my extrovert account may be pushing empty when I need it most. . I’ve also learned (am in the middle of learning?) that hunkering down to recharge my batteries does not mean working late nights from bed in my pajamas. That may be hunkering down, but it isn’t recharging. . After two wonderful nights out with girlfriends this week, a night in was just what I needed. And the work I was expecting to do was gloriously put on hold, giving me extra permission to just be. . I love the people in my life dearly. But sometimes Netflix, sweats, and two leftover pieces of gourmet pizza are truly a girl’s best friend. . . . #FridayNightDoneRight #NightIn #FridayNight

Today’s mood: Gloomy with a chance of blue skies. Or maybe blue skies with a chance of gloom. Sometimes these days it’s hard to tell which mood is going which way. . These last few months I’ve been working really hard on my mindset. That work has looked like daily quick journaling (thank you @workspacery! 😘), questioning my sometimes comes-too-easily negativity and cattiness, and working hard on boundaries in order to really protect my mood. . But I think most importantly, I’ve been questioning that gloom, that cloudiness. My go-to is to accept it, to dive into it, to let it color my perspective. I sit in it, think it about, wallow in it. . And while in a lot of ways I think a lot of that is helpful, in a lot of ways it also wasn’t. Isn’t. I need to learn the difference between acknowledging and accepting, and becoming that emotion entirely. . Lord knows I love me some moody clouds. But you know what? The blue skies are pretty great, too.

When R was an infant, I went through a phase where I literally could not imagine him ever growing to be a child. I was in the throes of a deep postpartum depression, and I had convinced myself that I was having some sort of prophecy- I couldn’t see it, because he wasn’t going to make it to childhood. I could see the future, and it was devastatingly bleak. . Clearly, and thankfully (there isn’t a strong enough word for this amount of thanks), I was wrong. He went from an infant, to a toddler, and now, on the eve of his fourth birthday, a full blow kid. He has opinions and emotions and boundaries. He makes jokes and he tells stories and he feels feelings. Big feelings. He rides scooters and builds train tracks and plays video games and draws (somewhat) recognizable pictures. . Those moments where I could not see his future were dark. I struggled so intensely with the unknown that my brain literally imagined the end of what it couldn’t find the answers for. But now? There is lightness and airiness and hope and joy. And peace. And contentment. And rest. And he gives that all to me. . Tomorrow I’ll celebrate my sweet boy’s fourth birthday. I’ll celebrate the day I became a mother. I’ll celebrate being a mother, and everything that comes with it. Because I can imagine our future - and it is oh so beautiful. ❤️ . . . #Motherhood #ThisIsFour #Mothering #MotherhoodReleased #BoyMom #BabyLove #BoyMomLife #MommasBoy

I spent most of this weekend staring out at this view ... and into the faces of seven of my beautiful, strong girlfriends. . We are all a bit like this water. So incredibly beautiful to be in the presence of, and with so much more happening below the surface than we let on. . There are beautiful ripples, and jagged rocks. Things that shimmer, and things that we’re afraid of that we lurk down deep that we can’t quite see. . I love these women deeply. As my dear friend Peggy said, this weekend was “for seeing and for being seen.” The love my ripples. They smooth my rocks. They shine a light on the things I’m afraid of, helping me to see that I can overcome each of them. . And they support my wearing of an @annajoycedesign robe in public as a kimono. That may be their best support of all. . . . #GirlsWeekend #FindYourTribe #LoveThemHard #FriendsAreFamily #RhodeIsland #CottonCandySunset #FriendshipGoals #TogetherByChance #TribeByChoice #BeSeen

Thank you, thank you, thank you. 🇺🇸 . Today I’m thinking about the soldiers who made the ultimate sacrifice to protect our freedom and our lives as we know them, and their families for whom today must be so, so hard. . I’m also thinking about the soldiers who made it home, but suffer from the unspeakable and incomprehensible demons that come from surviving a battlefield or a war zone. To that end, I’m donating to @getheadstrong to help our veterans have access to free mental healthcare. . Thank you for all that you do to keep us at peace. I hope this brings at least one veteran a little peace of their own. . See my IG stories for some more details on this great organization. . . . #MemorialDay #RememberOurVeterans #FreedomIsntFree #MentalHealth #GetHeadstrong

Tonight’s homework. ❤️ I’m feeling inspired to be less inspired. To be less on the prowl for more inspiration. I feel up to my ears full with advice and success stories and the magic of affirmations and gratitude and manifestation. . It’s not that I don’t believe in all of those things. Quite the contrary, actually. I do. . But if I’m being honest with myself, I’ve been filling myself with words and opinions from other people so that I don’t have to hear my own. I’ve been consuming other people’s journeys so that I don’t have to go on my own. I’ve been using the comparison game to feel adequate about being where I am because “I’m not there yet” - where other people are with their success, or their self confidence, or their self love, but I’m using it as an excuse, and not as inspiration. I’m getting comfortable in letting it hold me where I am, instead of nudging me forward. . For years (years!) I’ve been stuck in this in-between - someone’s wife, but no longer their partner. A homeowner, but I don’t live in my home. A mother, but I only see my child for half of the week. A business owner, but that business is in the process of closing. hate the in-between. But I worked so hard at accepting it as a phase of life that I can no longer see myself out of it. It’s become “fine”. Complacency kills, and in this moment I feel myself suffocating under my own weight. . So tonight, I’m digging myself out by doing a little guided journaling and life dreaming with the help of @workspacery. Being held (by my own mental chains) in this place of in-between has really taught me that my dreams for my life have changed. But I’ve been so terrified that these new dreams will fail, too, that I haven’t been able to bring myself to think about them in a way that will help me change. That will help me move on. . But tonight, tonight. I feel ready. . . [Journal by @workspacery | Affirmation cards by @iamerinbrown and @abundantaffirmations] . . . #Workspacery #DreamLifeDesign #GetToWork #Motherhood #Affirmations #RealTalk #ManifestThatShit

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